by Mindi Popovich-Schneider, Saint Emmelia Ministries Assistant Director
Lately, I’ve noticed a trend that I find a little troubling–what I can really only call “the commodification of parenthood.” As far as I can tell, this trend started with very good intentions, springing from the idea that stay-at-home moms in particular are undervalued, as evidenced when comparing their workload to a full-time job. Over the past year or so, however, I think this discourse has gotten out of hand. I can’t count the number of posts that are recommended to me across social media channels that feature comments about dads “solo parenting” while mom is running errands, moms calling themselves “HR manager,” or parents “clocking in for the closing shift” before putting kids to bed.
If I had to guess, I would say that there are two sources of this language trend. The first is that, thanks to social media, everything is commodified. If something can be described in corporate language, it almost certainly will be—probably because of the way that the minutiae of everyday life has become an income stream for content creators. Of course that would trickle down into the parenting corners of the internet: these influencers are making money off of documenting their “work” as parents. Second, I think this trend indicates a general lack of purpose in parenthood. Without clear goals, of course the natural end is to commodify parenting: there is nothing that sets it apart from any other use of our time, and our time is most valuable in the language of money.
To be clear, I think there can be positive applications of this type of language: as moms (especially stay-at-home and homeschooling moms), there can be a lot of guilt around feeling tired or burnt out. Comparing homemaking and parenting to a 40 hour job might help with that guilt. Or it might help ease tensions around mismatched expectations between spouses or in-laws. I’m not saying we need to totally do away with this language. I do think, however, that it might be doing some damage to our relationship with the concept of motherhood–and indeed, parenthood more broadly.
The reality is that motherhood is not a job. It’s something deeper. It’s biological. Despite the cute TikToks or Instagram Reels that suggest otherwise, you can’t clock out to go do a Target run. You don’t work shifts. You can change your profession, but you cannot change that you are a parent. You are a mother (or father) all the time. Your responsibilities don’t disappear because your kids are not with you in a given moment.
Our goal is to raise children who love and serve Christ and therefore those around them. That means that even when we are not doing the direct work of parenting, like feeding, cleaning, or disciplining children, we still have work to do. In the times that we are not with our children physically, we still have a spiritual responsibility–a responsibility to direct every moment of our lives towards service to God so that we are better-equipped to teach our children to do the same. Then, we should be praying for our children in every moment possible.
Household chores can feel like a mundane, neverending task, especially for someone like me, who is not very domestic or naturally maternal. But they are all in service of the job that we can never clock out from: helping point our children to heaven and trusting Christ to get them–and us–there.
So, what’s the point of saying all this? It is, I hope, to encourage you in the same way that I myself often need to be encouraged. Even when motherhood feels like a slog, even when it feels like you’re “clocking in” to clean the kitchen or wash the same clothes that you washed two days ago, remember that this is not your job. This is your holy work. This is your gift of sanctification.