Saint Emmelia Ministries is blessed to have a board of wise, loving Spiritual Advisors who help run our regional conferences and online events, provide guidance to local homeschoolers, and guide the vision & work of the ministry. Alongside them are their wives, who work tirelessly to support their husbands’ work, on top of educating their children. In this series, we are honored to introduce you to these exceptional women.
by Mother Lara Oliver
I'm Mother Lara Oliver~ my husband is an Antiochian priest in Tennessee; the Arabic title "Khouriya" doesn't fly very well in the south, so we settled on "mother." Fr John and I met in 1996 at a microbrewery in Nashville where I was waiting tables while trying to figure out what to do with my life after having graduated from the Johns Hopkins University with two degrees I had no interest in pursuing vocationally. He asked me about the cross around my neck; we talked about our grandmothers and Jesus, and we became really good friends until one day we found ourselves in love. Oops! Of course, it was a lot more complicated and messy than that, but 30 years later, we're the parents of 5 children, ages 26-16. I have homeschooled all of them from preschool to college. Our nearly 17 year old son is still homeschooling while also dual enrolling at the local university. I look forward to taking a breather for a couple of years and then beginning again with our grandson, who is currently 8 months old, and hopefully other grandchildren and children in our church community (where I have directed a homeschooling cooperative for 19 years.).
When Fr John and I were getting to know one another, he shared that he had been told by his priest that he should someday consider the priesthood. Assuming that "someday" would be in about 20 years, I shrugged it off. 4 years later, while we were living happily ever after in our little cottage in the woods, within a week's time, three different priests independently approached him about going to seminary/pursuing the priesthood. We were shocked at first but it was hard to ignore the three priests who knew us best. There wasn't much of a discernment process; there wasn't even a question. It was more like a revelation: Oh, THIS is what's next for our life. It was hard to leave our little home, our friends, our beloved church community, and the sweet life we had just built for our family, but there was no doubt that this was what God was calling us to do. I was 8 months pregnant with our second child when we headed to St Tikhon's and Fr John was ordained to the priesthood two and a half years later, a few days after our third child was baptized.
Fr and I both grew up in families that highly valued academics and education. I assumed that our children would get the same top-notch college-preparatory education that I had received, but then I realized that we had chosen a life of simplicity and a measure of, not poverty, but, shall we say, modest income. I had leapt off the academic/career train I had been on to be a stay at home mother, and my husband had left his job to become a priest. Then we voluntarily left a thriving stable parish for a tiny mission in rural Tennessee. Expensive prep schools would be out of the question. Besides, by this time, I was an Orthodox Christian, and my goals for my children had evolved... from "Harvard bound" to "Heaven bound." I wanted our children to be well-educated, literate, articulate, intelligent, and capable, but I REALLY wanted them to love Jesus, to seek first His kingdom, to be humble and loving and self-controlled, to consider others above themselves.... I wanted them to be Christians. But we couldn't afford a private Christian school, either. Having devoured The Well-Trained Mind and balancing it out with a hefty dose of Charlotte Mason, I decided to delve into this crazy homeschooling thing so I could give our children the "best" education possible.
At first I thought, well, if I do this homeschooling thing right, our children can be both heaven- AND Harvard-bound. But two things happened as I grew into mothering and being an Orthodox Christian. First, I realized we could only have ONE first thing in our life, and that had to be unequivocally Christ and His church. Education was good and important, but it must NOT be the first thing in our life. Second, the more time I spent with our children, despite the stress and exhaustion and depression and irritability, the less I could imagine parting with them several hours a day for the rest of their childhood. So my goal in homeschooling and my reason for homeschooling shifted. Why would I put our children on the train that I had leapt off? Why not, instead, try to equip them to live as faithful, pious Orthodox Christians spreading light in a world full of darkness?
I'm the worst person to talk to about methods and curricula. I have opinions, and I'm not known for being shy about sharing them, but I don't really think it matters as much what you use or how you teach them as creating an atmosphere of learning in your home and making the Church the axis around which your family life revolves. Teach them to read and do math; fill the home with beautiful, meaningful books. Keep them off of devices as long as you possibly can (I lament ever having caved on these issues) and give them opportunities to explore nature and art and music and cultures and everything this beautiful world has to offer. Orient them toward the Lord and toward thinking of others. Live your faith shamelessly. Who cares what math curriculum you use or how many languages your child can speak or instruments he masters if he loses his soul?
Balance? Hmmmm.... I am decidedly unqualified to speak on balance. :) Have you heard that quote from Hopko's grandmother? "Go to Church, say your prayers, remember God..". Well, school isn't on that list. Neither is housekeeping. Educate your children; keep your house as tidy and orderly as you reasonably can, which will be different during different seasons of family life. But don't get your priorities confused.
Do I sound like a terrible homeschooler? While I was doing it, I thought I was the worst. And I guess it's possible that I am! We rarely followed a schedule, fell years behind in math, kept a very messy house, and never really mastered anything~ instruments or languages or impressive skills. But by the grace of God, our children are adults who love Jesus and His church, love others, care for creation, and are also intelligent, articulate, literate, and pretty well-rounded. (Please don't ask about Math, though. They managed to earn merit-based scholarships to college, but it wasn't for their math scores!) I am not qualified to tell anyone what to do or how to do it; I am just here to encourage you to put first things first, and the rest will fall into place. Hmmmm... that sounds familiar, doesn't it? "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you..."