Saint Emmelia Ministries is blessed to have a board of wise, loving Spiritual Advisors who help run our regional conferences and online events, provide guidance to local homeschoolers, and guide the vision & work of the ministry. Alongside them are their wives, who work tirelessly to support their husbands’ work, on top of educating their children. In this series, we are honored to introduce you to these exceptional women.
by Kh. Anna Phelps
Please introduce yourself and give a little of your family’s background.
My name is Kh. Anna Phelps, and I've been married to Fr. John Phelps for 29 years. We have eight children and are from Alaska and moved to Goldendale, WA ten years ago. We moved specifically to work on growing the Antiochian mission here in town, just twelve miles from the Greek Orthodox Monastery of St. John the Forerunner, started by Elder Ephriam up in the mountains near here. Many of our friends from Alaska and California have become nuns at this monastery, and we are blessed to call Goldendale our home. We just married off our fifth child, and we have six grandkids, with two on the way. We don't "encourage" our kids to get married young, but we also don't discourage it either. We (along with their priest or spiritual father) have counseled our kids on a case-by-case basis when it came to getting married and at what age, depending on who they were marrying.
Father and I met in Alaska when I was 15 at the church that I grew up in Eagle River, AK. He was converting from his Presbyterian church while he was in college in Anchorage, AK after moving back from attending Hillsdale College for two years. Once he converted, we were friends for a few years and eventually both joined the Holy Cross house (like a discipleship house) in Eagle River, where we met and housed with Fr. Noah Bushelli and Fr. Peter Gilquist (Jr) and many other legendary humans.
We started courting and then he wanted to have a serious talk. So we went on our talk where he hit me with some hard questions. He wanted to be sure of a few things before we progressed any further. He wanted me to be a stay-at-home-mom, he wanted me to be a homeschool mom (he was homeschooled, and I was public schooled), and he wanted to be a priest some day and wanted me to be ok with that. These are all very big life decisions at a young age, but ultimately I agreed that I was ok with them all. Thus began our homeschool journey and journey to the priesthood. He was 24 and I was 19.
Hochooling was NOT my idea. Because of this I have a very different approach than most other homeschooling moms out there, who pour over the curriculum catalogs and jump at the chance to take their kids to the library. I do not like books, or even like the smell of books. Thus, we do things VERY differently at our house. Homeschool came WAY before the priesthood. My husband didn't become a priest until eith years ago, and we had our first baby 27 years ago. So I have been a homeschool mom for about 25 years and a priest wife for only 8 years.
What is your pedagogical approach/how do you choose curricula?
Homeschooling was difficult to wrap my head around mainly because I don't like to sit still for very long; I'd rather be outside building a fence, canning beans, buying goats, or sewing a quilt... sitting and teaching my kids lessons is almost like torture, unless it's very short and sweet. I used "Teach Your Kids to Read in 100 Easy Lessons" because my mom (who's a school teacher by trade) recommended it. I used Saxon Math because the school I went to when I was a kid was selling all of their old math books, so I bought them at a good price. I used them when I was a kid, and I always liked math. Finding a "good" English curriculum was more tedious and grueling because I don't love English and I can't spell worth a darn and I finally figured out that I don't like reading because I read at a 7th grade level (SUPER SLOW). So after 10 years or so of beating my head against a wall and watching my kids easily learn to read and love reading, I realized the kids are smart and they'll be fine, I just need to find a curriculum that works for ME, the lame mom who has no patience for curriculum catalogs.
In theory we were going to follow the Classical model of teaching but in reality we followed the "bare bones" and semi-unschooling methodology. I insisted they learn how to read first, then they would do their math religiously every day, then they'd be reading everything they could get their hands on, so that was never an "assignment," except when they got older I'd try to get them to read a bit of the Bible and saint stories every day, as well as history, and email me a summary. They would sing Byzantine chant in the choir; they would all do some sort of instrument or three (their choice and never forced); they would beg me to do art, so I sent them to my mom's for that. If they need science, I beg my sister to let them go to her house, and I'll pay her good money to teach them. They would do animal chores daily (except one daughter ,who would much rather clean the whole house and hold babies all day), and eventually in high school, they'd choose their classes: science, a foreign language (definitely key to helping them understand the English language), literature, math, history…and then graduate!
We never geared their school towards academics in particular, but never made them think they couldn't go to college. If they went to college, we were very clear on exactly what they'd be going for: college is too expensive and soul sucking to go for fun! The kids who could read well, I'd make them read Plato, Herodotus, St. John Chrysostym, classics, and dystopian novels that made them think. Or they'd do college classes and get an Associates degree in business admin. If they weren't at that level, they'd stick to the basics: daily lives of the saints, the Bible, and some sort of saint/historical book.
I don't have a name for my "pedagogical" approach. I'm embarrassed about it most of the time, but my kids have turned out so amazingly that I feel like it's important to tell people about this haphazard approach I have taken to teaching my kids, just so they know it is possible to be a really bad homeschool mom and have your kids learn despite you! My kids do school five days a week, and we take breaks in the summer and for Christmas, so if I just didn't make them do anything and if every day was a holiday, that would not work, but we always "do schoo,l" even if it's them doing their school in the other room while I work and me checking in while I'm making dinner, making sure they do their pesky English dictation and spelling words. My kids just have to tell me what parts to read to them, and I can do it. My kids know I don't like school either, so knowing that we're in it together maybe makes it ok.
If I had to go back in time I'd tell myself to not sweat it. The kids love learning; they just don't necessarily want to learn in the order in which you tell them to. They will continue learning after they graduate, as long as the learning process is enjoyable. My oldest is 27 and still learning new languages as her hobby. She's now taking high-level math courses, determined to become an aerospace engineer because she can do anything if she goes for it. I think me telling her that 1000 times finally sunk in.
Also, the saint stories are the base. You can build entire curriculums off the saints timeline and the maps of the countries in which they lived, you can learn about ancient emperors, good and evil, all in those great and tiny stores every day. Don't underestimate the saint stories, if that's all you can do for history, you're doing great!
I have graduated five kids so far, three to go.
How do you balance being a homemaker and homeschooler with your ministry (and, in your case, a homestead!)?
Balancing is a funny question. I also work and homeschool and we have a small homestead. Balance is for the birds... During fasting periods I cook more food, during the summer I cook less and garden more, during the school year I glance at the kids’ math to be sure they're doing it and attending some of their online classes. The 5 year old gets reading lessons from me from time to time and from her 11 year old brother from time to time. When I'm working, I ask my 17 year old to be sure to feed the kids and protect me from the 5 year old. Morning coffee with my husband is great if we can manage it before we start our days, and we end the day connecting again after the kids go to bed. That time is important, especially to him, but when he's gone I miss it, so it's grown to be important to me as well. Everyone has their "lists" for the day. Nobody is allowed to ask me for screen time unless EVERYTHING is done— chores AND school—and also it has to be dark out first (at least in the winter). If they ask about screen time but I discover they didn't do their English or animal chores, they're either grounded completely that day or their time gets cut in half. This way there's no drama, just natural consequences and I know they're getting done. My oldest is currently doing college courses before graduation, so she's on her own. I don't micromanage teenagers (ok, not anymore…as much) because they need the freedom to mess up their own education and I need the brain space to work and not worry about her school.
How do you recharge/keep going?
Recharging, what is that? It's hard to get away but we do occasionally. I really just like some good quiet time so I can cross stitch and listen to a book, and in the summer, spring and fall I escape outside to do yard work, bonfires, and rest my brain. When we moved here, I was desperate for human interaction so I'd go up to the monastery coffee shop and hang out with the sisters for a couple of hours. But now we have teens and young adult children and many people in our church, and I work doing real estate now, so that can be very stressful and mentally draining. Sometimes all I want to do is hide when I can hide and not listen to people's problems or help anyone. I should do my prayers more faithfully because that ACTUALLY recharges me like nobody's business, but having quiet time is golden. Having an empty house is a luxury item, but that never happens in a homeschooling home where both parents work at home.
What book has impacted you the most (besides the Bible)?
When I sold my Alaska business it was around the time my husband was becoming a priest. I had all this extra time on my hands and my sewing machine was not working. I started reading books with St. Paisios in them (The Guru, the Young Man, and Elder Paisios & Mountain of Silence). In both of these books the authors rubbed me the wrong way, and I didn't respect them, but I was loving the parts where St Paisios was teaching them. I then discovered that we had the book Athonite Fathers and Athonite Matters on our bookshelf. Who was that author? None other than St. Paisios. I read that amazing, humorous, down to earth, heartwarming little book and was completely head over heels in love with this man. I ran to the monastery and bought the Spiritual Councils set of five books (now there are six). The sisters that St. Paisios taught in Greece published these about what he taught them. Every day I looked forward to meeting with him while drinking my coffee. Some days I could only read a small bit because what he'd hit me with was so huge I needed to chew on it for a while. But usually it was so down to earth simple, like he was saying, "Anna, today I'm going to teach you how to be kind." Or how to trick yourself into thinking the correct way, etc. It was truly life changing for me, but I was also in a state of needing exactly that. I had been looking for something to help me shift my way of thinking towards good and stop thinking of bad, but I needed help to know how to do that. St Paisios is still my favorite and I am so thankful for those books and that time that I had to put my hobbies down and pick some truly good and life changing books. And those are the books that you want to take your time reading, so it helped that I'm such a slow reader. I also learned how to make the prayer ropes during this time and I'm really thankful for that as well.
Ideally homeschool moms would sit with their kids, let their kids make messes with art projects and be a much better mother than I have been. But I have to give myself grace for who God made me to be. I like to stay busy renovating a bathroom, writing recipes, being on the parish council as the cemetery sexton, joining in the building committee for our new church building project, organizing coffee hour groups, planning the Pascha feast, helping people buy houses, loving business and teaching my kids about business and helping my friends start businesses. I love working outside, specifically building my compost pile and making a good bonfire, I love organizing the goat milk, having enough milk for my husband to make cheese, making lasagna for five single guys out of ground lamb and rabbit sausage from our friends, tomato sauce from my garden, cheese that was gleaned from Azure—and feeding the young guys and my family with almost no cost and good ingredients! I do a little bit of everything ,but I'm no expert at anything, and now that I'm nearly 50 I am finally comfortable in my own skin. I know that as a priest wife, there are unlimited expectations, but I can't worry about everyone's expectations, and I just have to do what I can do to get everything done and hope that at the end of the day I can be somewhat supportive to my husband and be nice enough to my kids so they'll want to come home and visit me when they're adults. So far, it's mostly working.