Saint Emmelia Ministries is blessed to have a board of wise, loving Spiritual Advisors who help run our regional conferences and online events, provide guidance to local homeschoolers, and guide the vision & work of the ministry. Alongside them are their wives, who work tirelessly to support their husbands’ work, on top of educating their children. In this series, we are honored to introduce you to these exceptional women.
by Kh. Kelleylynn Barberg
1. Please introduce yourself briefly.
Christ is in our midst!
I’m Khouria Kelleylynn Barberg; married for nearly 31 years to Fr. Raphael Barberg; we live in the Greater Buffalo (GO BILLS!) Niagara area in Youngstown NY. A little geography for you: we live in the farthest western northern town in NY state by Lake Ontario along the lower Niagara River that borders Canada. It’s a little Mayberry town. We love living here.
We have 5 children: Colin (28), Hannah (27), Mary Katherine (23), Luke (21), and Nathanael (15). This school year, Nathanael entered a private Catholic High school, and has straight A’s. We have (2) college graduates: Colin, from Hellenic College (2019), and Mary Katherine, from St. John’s College in Santa Fe, NM (2025). Hannah finished high school in 3 years (it can be done), and works full-time in the hospitality industry; Luke is a Corporal with the United States Marine Corps. We are realizing that we are now spectators in our children’s lives than guides; in all honesty, they have and continue to teach us. It is an incredible full life filled with all the ingredients of a beautiful chaos. I wouldn’t change a thing—well, maybe go back in time once in awhile to hold my little babies again.
This year, the long decades of homeschooling has come to a bitter-sweet end. I would do a few things differently; maybe we’ll touch on that later. However, I’m not quite moving away from homeschooling, just pivoting my attention as I carry on in my job as the Administrator with St. Athanasius (on-line homeschool) Academy (since 2021) and a board member with SAAOT. This gives me more time to share my love of home education; yes, also to help families make the best connections and educational decisions that fit their needs. Our SAA teachers and admin-team are a melting pot of talent for Orthodox Christian homeschooling families who may need help in navigating the early years to transitioning middle school and high school; to college or career goals. It is encouraging to be among such faithful and dedicated human beings. And our students and families are wonderful! I only wish we could be in person so I can hug on them all! I have learned so much by their example. It’s been a rewarding journey, and I never thought I’d help run an on-line teaching academy for homeschooling families within the Orthodox Christian Faith, yet by the grace of God, here I am, and I love it! It is so very good to see how far homeschooling has made strides in our Orthodox Christian church communities. Glory to God for all things!
Fr. Raphael and I have a long history together as we met when I was just 11; he was 18. We did not date until I was 20. We attended a large Protestant church together. He was a youth leader; I was a fitful tween. He saw me grow up and and I watched him transition into a young man. We both come from divorced homes, and our mothers were instrumental in our Christian rearing—overcoming unbearable obstacles as single mothers. We started dating in Spring of 1994, and within 2 months we were engaged; married in June of 1995.
“Perhaps I had a wicked childhood / Perhaps I had a miserable youth / But somewhere in my wicked, miserable past / There must have been a moment of truth / For here you are, standing there, loving me / Whether or not you should / So somewhere in my youth or childhood / I must have done something good”
He was already a catechumen in the Orthodox church and had a chrismation date set that ended up being postponed. It was postponed because Fr. George, of blessed memory, told Fr. Raphael (a.k.a. Kevin) “Marry her first; then we will figure out Orthodoxy together...the church will be here, we will be here; Orthodoxy is not going anywhere, but she might; it is good for you to have a wife.”
I was blown away by this response, and decided I needed to meet this priest and see the church for myself. Long story short, on June 3, 1995, we were married in the Protestant church where we met, and by that time my heart and mind was looking toward the East. We were eventually brought into the Holy Faith together in 1996 on St. Mary of Egypt Sunday at St. George Niagara Falls, NY, where we now have been serving the faithful for the past 8 years. We were parishioners at St. George’s for 15 years, had 4 children there, baptized the children; their God parents still attend (one is now a priest!), and Fr. Raphael was ordained to the Holy Priesthood there, and we came back in 2014 to lay my mother for eternal rest. St. George was and is always our home. We returned to serve the faithful after 10 years of being away in 2018.
In 2008, we moved to St. Vladimir’s Seminary near NYC to attend seminary for the next 3 years. While at seminary, we finally were among other Orthodox Christian families to homeschool with —although we had homeschooled before attending seminary and said goodbye to a healthy co-op group of homeschoolers in Western NY—we were always the only Orthodox Christians. This was a first, and it encouraged our homeschooling journey immeasurably. After graduation (2011), we were assigned to a small parish in Maryland, and with our 5th child just 9 months old, homeschooling become the greatest challenge.
With no supportive co-op, friends and family nearby, these years were filled with loneliness and too many doubts. “Did we do the right thing by us and for our children?” I was unmotivated without a homeschool community, doubting that I could do this all on my own. It was extremely difficult. I no longer had Fr’s help, he was busy with the new parish and a full-time job too! We also recognized our Luke was struggling to read, and after testing, he was diagnosed with Dyslexia. I had no idea how to help him. We enrolled him into 2nd grade at the local elementary school. The teacher was amazing, and he made leaps and bounds — we eventually brought him back home because he asked to be back with us. Today, at 21 and a Corporal with the US Marines, he is thriving and is one smart young man. He is a gift to me. Dyslexia is a gift—another way of learning — like going in the back door than the front door. Dyslexic children can and will learn! They need lots of patience, but don’t we all?!
When I look back, it is here where we grew closer as a family in deeper understanding and patience. We just didn’t see it then. During the 5 years in MD, we enrolled our eldest into a private Catholic high school, and the following year, our eldest daughter went to the local high school (her choice). We gave our children the option to choose when entering the high school years; that they also could return home at any time. Transitioning from homeschool to high school was different for each one; presented multiple challenges and triumphs. During that time away from the home, they were able to exercise their voice in another environment, to practice advocacy for others and themselves, they navigated being proactive, organized priorities that aligned in their faith with the academic knowledge they gathered, and gave kindness and grace to their neighbor/fellow classmate. Sometimes, it was not easy for them. It took a ton of prayer and patience. They developed listening skills while taking instruction from another adult—who generally did have their best interests for their students— was an invaluable learning opportunity for them. We ended up enrolling all the children into high schools when their time came. We moved after 5 years in MD to OKC, and during those 2 years there, we once again were blessed like our seminary days with a vibrant and loving homeschool co-op. We were a small group of 4 moms and 16 children, and we liked it that way. In OKC, our third child, entered a private Catholic high school; she faced so many challenges of belonging and fitting in—more than the first two experienced. But she wanted to stay, and finished the year and persevered. We moved after her freshman year; this time back to our hometown where she was enrolled into an all girls Catholic school, and she soared there. Thank God! It was a huge leap of faith to make this all work financially and loads of courage to endure between 4 moves in 10 years. That was difficult on all the children. Two more into high school, and ups and downs along the way—those were lessons as valuable as ABC and 1-2-3. Our children became adaptable young people, and steadfast in their faith in God even in the struggles. I am not advocating other families do as we did, just that itended up a good fit for our children and their life decisions ahead. They are still in progress, we cannot carefully curate perfect children — there is that thing called “free will”. We can, however, love and teach them without our forced intentions, as Christ loves us all.
What did the discernment process for the priesthood look like for your family?
Oh, discernment! We were not on the same page, at first. Much like our conversion story. God’s ways are not our ways. I truly believe, discernment is not possible without patience. Most who know Fr. Raphael, knew he was a Buffalo NY Police Lieutenant for 20 years before pursuing the priesthood. That was a good job for us as a growing family: steady hours, paid well with lots of flexible vacation and personal time. One day, after we had our third baby (fall of 2002), he came to me while I was doing laundry, and pleaded with me to attend seminary that summer! He wanted to make a plan to take an early retirement, and we could go. I flat out said, “no, now is not the time.” That was a hard time for us-as we were not in agreement. I wasn’t trying to be a disobedient wife, disrespect his ambitions, or be a stubborn wife (although I am that - Lord, have mercy on me), I just *knew* we ought to wait. I sensed my husband was anxious to begin—even though he did not want to pursue the priesthood, he desired to attend seminary; that was not how I wanted to begin this. I liked where we were. I loved my home, and I had never lived away from family and friends. We prayed; we talked it over; talked it over with our priest. In a short time, Fr. knew we needed to wait as well. He was already the parish deacon for one year, ordained just before 9/11 in September of 2001; he was not up for retirement until 2008! In late December of 2003, we lost a baby; within 2 months we were expecting again. My mother was living with us and was not well. Life was heavy and very full. It all felt a foolish endeavor, so discernment, to me—it was obvious! I thought if we waited, this desire of his will pass. Our fourth baby arrived in early fall of 2004; still four more years until retirement. He focused on serving the parish as best as he could as the deacon; his work with IOCC. He was a dedicated and faithful deacon to the parish priest and community while still working as a police officer. Why would anyone want to leave that comfort? The summer before his retirement year, we decided to travel to Kodiak, Alaska to experience the pilgrimage to St. Herman of Alaska on Spruce Island. We were there for 2 weeks: one week to help around the seminary and the other for the pilgrimage. One evening during a Akathist service for St. Herman, the faithful were able to venerate his uncorrupt body and heavy iron cross St. Herman was known for keeping around his neck and body. After venerating, I needed to step outside to get some fresh cooler air. The church was packed, and with the heavy incense permeating the church; the August summer air was warmer than usual inside the small cathedral. I remember the native people making comments how hot it was to them! There were still so many more people filing in to the church to venerate their beloved St. Herman. My husband stood over St. Herman’s coffin holding up the cover and helping people in and around the holy relics. I quietly slipped outside with the church doors still open and could hear the troparion to St. Herman sung in English, Russian, and Yupik...it was glorious! I had been an Orthodox Christian for 11 years, and this was my first encounter with a holy saint’s relics! It was amazing; ethereal! In the moments sitting on the Cathedral steps, gazing at the snow capped mountains, it was as St. Elijah experienced: a calm and still voice-nothing rushed or filled with anxiety. The wind went around me, “It is time.” I cried. There were so many logistics to manage: sell a house, secure my mom a new safe living situation, settle retirement funds, apply to seminary and scholarship with the Antiochian Archdiocese, and tell the children! We talked a great deal during the pilgrimage, and we prayed at St. Herman’s well on Spruce Island. We brought some water home. We prayed more in the cathedral by his relics; we talked to priests who had wisdom to give us. One year later, we stepped out of our moving van, unto the parking lot of Lakeside 1 at St. Vladimir’s Theological Seminary in Crestwood, NY— on the very feast day of St. Herman of Alaska to begin this endeavor. It all came together—yes, there is synergy to make something like this happen, and there was lots of work that went into it but it was all by the grace of God! At SVS there is an icon of Jesus Christ on the iconostasis that reads: "You did not choose me, but I chose you” John 15:16. The three years at seminary were filled with many beautiful days and painful-heart wrenching growing moments. Our faith was tested. We departed SVS with Fr. Raphael just one year as an ordained priest, his first parish assignment in MD ahead of us; our fifth child just 9 months old. The rest of the kids in tow, trusting us, and in God for all things that would come our way. God’s ways are not our ways. Patience gathers discernment. I see that now.
How did you decide to homeschool? How did you decide what methods/curriculum/ pedagogical approaches to use?
Ha, I have to laugh at this. Forgive me. When we started out homeschooling (2000!) there wasn’t much to choose from that aligned with the Orthodox Faith, and we rag-bagged curriculum on a minimal income. I borrowed textbooks and we went to the libraryall the time! It definitely was not shiny and new. Honestly, if you just read to your children, allow time for them to play and explore, to make a mess, and teach them to clean up; read more to them; read aloud the psalms and poetry. Give them structure: brush your teeth and wash your face. Provide opportunities and places to explore, teach them to hold a pencil, a paint brush; write a well thought out sentence, and narrate a book back to you; play ball, read a book in quiet, sit quietly; knit, sew, look at art, create art; fix and repair a broken chair or radio; help with the cooking and housework; laundry, and allow them to play in the snow and rain, get dirty; climb and jump. Eek! They might break a leg (we had two boys with femur breaks), teach them to feel the grass in bare feet and taste fruits and veggies at the farmers market (or homegrown)—you are 90% homeschooling your children. Of course, yes, there is more to it than all that; when they’re older, balancing and time management comes in. Foster interdependence over codependence as they grow into young men and women. But, I digress. We started out with this massive curriculum “Tapestry of Grace” and it was all my husband’s pushing to homeschool. I had no incline to homeschool, it was overwhelming and unknown to me; I was scared. I could not stay with TOG (sorry creators) and took a slower, easier and steadier approach. I had beenintroduced to the Trivium approach: Grammar, Logic, Rhetoric. Eventually, we read moreabout "Charlotte Mason” and devoured her words and methods. I needed life to be simpler. There were 4 children under the age of 8 needing constant attention. Charlotte Mason’s teaching resonated with me; it was exactly the kind of education I had wished I received. So, we visited museums: history, art, science; we listened to music-all the music; the girls took ballet lessons and we went to the theatre. For a time, I taught them basic French (my heritage) words. Some played the piano, the violin, and then the guitar, and fiddled with a camera; helped me in the kitchen, the garden, and everywhere else. We took long walks, vacationed at the beach, and went camping. In time, we chose curriculum from Saxon Math to First Language Lessons and Story of the World by Susan Wise Bauer to many more; a plethora of Science textbooks. Spent money on art classes, voice lessons, and I bought curriculum we never used! They learned to read the scripture texts during family prayers and the 8 tones of Byzantine chant. Later on, our children have been invaluable at the kleros. Looking back, my favorite times was just reading to them and sharing that close time together. My favorite memories are when Fr. Raphael taught them all how to read from a textbook: “Teach Your Children to Read in 100 Easy Lessons”. That book fell apart by the time it was Nathanael’s turn. And, MK skipped right past the last 50 lessons—too smart for all of us put together. They loved that time with their father. I loved that time they had with him. They also loved the voices he made when reading out loud from “The Hobbit” or “The Chronicles of Narnia”. I’d give anything to go back to those simple days. They memorized poetry during bath time. Ask one of my children to recite “The Gingham Dog and the Calico Cat” by Eugene Field. Back then, we didn’t feel we were doing anything extra special for our children— it was simply that we desired as much time with them as we could. Many balked at what we were doing, and questioned our ability to teach them. We were the only homeschoolers in our parish! We were tired parents doing the best we knew how with what we had. Co-ops were a challenge for us lonely Orthodox in our area. It took a long time to find the right fit. It’s different today for many, and I’m grateful to hear that.
What are some practical ways that you balance ministry, homeschooling, homemaking, etc.?
We follow the church calendar, observing the feasts and fasts. It was easy to navigate when they were young and all at home. It really was! We kept it simple too. I didn’t raise our children around social media—rushed or pressured to post a perfect picture of what we did—but stayed attuned to them and the moment. Do the next best things for you and your family. Others will have to do the same. We’d say evening prayers. We’d pray before meals. And, we had group hugs. Please eat together, at the table; as often as you can. Sometimes, in my earlier years with the children; pulled into this weird online world, I felt like I should be “the one” to show the virtual-world how to; quickly with conviction came to terms that was not healthy. When they were little, we spent many breaks with the nuns at a monastery. They have fond memories of that time, and our one daughter will visit occasionally. Today, with the youngest attending high school and his extra activities it is more challenging to pace ourselves. Our college graduate daughter is living back home and has a job schedule that will conflict with the church calendar, and the other 3 are living on their own — one in Okinawa. Our lives are vastly different than while we were all home, homeschooling all of them, and it is definitely more challenging to balance time with one another. But, life is not static; we adjust with the inevitable changes. There is joy in both missing the days that were and the newness of another day offers. We certainly do our best; I’m grateful that time and time again, our “party of 5” long to be “home” and to be together. They are a very close group-best of friends- and if that is all they learned during our years as homeschoolers, then Glory be to God!
So, parents to young ones, relish the days when you all are at home, even the monotony- there is a blessedness in that quotidian that quickly changes. Our only hope, as God allows, is that we have instilled these practices for when they have a family of their own.
How do you recharge yourself to be a better person for those around you? How much time do you spend?
This has been a work in progress for me, and I am still learning. I’ve learned the hard way too. Time with others outside my home is helpful. I think because I spend more time at home working, I like the change of scenery. It wasn’t always like that, we would entertain quite often in our home with the children always present. I like coffee dates; lunch dates; breakfast dates because I don’t have to cook and I am able to have long conversations with a friend or my husband; now with my older children individually. I get monthly massages now that I make my own money. I wake early, I did not do that when the kids were little. I stand in the front at church, keeping my distractions at a minimum. Limit social media. I ought to read more. I do take a yearly vacation with just me and my twin sister, no kids, no husbands, and no agendas or timelines. And, I do visit a monastery twice a year...we have one about 3 hours away. I will be going in February with my husband, and we have not done that in so long together. It’s usually just me on my own. However, we do take time for vacations. Simple ones where we can rest and explore. If I am tired, I rest. I used to push myself to exhaustion. Somedays, I do stay in my pajamas if there is nothing on the calendar. And, I am really okay with that! Now that the house is quieted, I miss the comings and goings but also like the silence. It’s all changed for us this past year, and I am finding new things to do. I did recently join a small gym just minutes from our home. My daughter encouraged me to do so. I look forward to spring so I can take walks along the river once again.
If there’s one thing you could tell your just-starting-out-homeschooling-self, what would it be?
I have so much to say to my just-starting-out-homeschooling-self: Be gentle with yourself. Begin the day with patience and prayer. Let the day unfold as it should. Play more and clean up later. There is so much they imitate and learn by watching you. I know, that wasn’t one thing.